Everyone knows that keeping a band together is the biggest hurdle to success. Just when you find your groove your drummer a) has twins, or b) chokes on vomit, or c) chokes on twins` vomit, etc. and you are back at square one programming your TR808 and considering a switch to hip-hop. That's why one of the first Beaches Jazz Festival rock bands booted their original guitarist Devin (he had twins and missed practices and gigs ... sans vomit). Little did they know that Devin would plan exact his revenge at their Jazz Festival debut! After his former band set up and was chowing down at the food vendors lining Queen Street East, Devin slipped through the crowd and swapped the new guy's amplifier volume knob with a booby-trapped one that short circuited when turned to '11'... oh yeah, did I mention Devin-Eleven played too loud too?
After the band's set fired up the crowd, the amp fired up the new guitarist in the encore. Having turned his amp volume to '11' the guitarist fried himself - the crowd didn't catch on at first, thinking his smoking and sparking guitar was some Ace Frehley tribute (Ace video), and then his rotating spasms on the ground were an homage to Angus Young (e.g.,see 2:30 and 4:15). In the end he was street meat and Devin-Eleven did hard time at the Don Jail.
On late summer nights residents along Glen Manor have reported hearing wails of guitar and the jazz Festival Fry Guy near the scene of the crime (beware of the parkette across from Swiss Chalet - Harvey's!).
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Lake Ontario Thin Ice Capades
Little Al was going into grade 5 at Kew Beach Public School. Neighbours said his parents were always on his back for every little misstep, and they could often be heard chastising him with phrases like "Get in the house ..now!", "Get out of that tree ..now!","Pick up your things ..now!" . It's hard to convey how grating the "now" part sounded, punctuating each command with an annoying and disturbing "finger nails on the chalkboard" like squeal.
One winter when coming home from school, he and his friend Victor took a detour down to the boardwalk to check out the ice geysers that classmates said were forming from breaking waves along the shore. As the boys ventured close to one of the spouts Victor grabbed Little Al's lunch box - a Transformers box (one of these) with Bumblebee, Megan Fox and perhaps other things on it - and tossed it at the spout. Up and over it went, sliding out onto the ice. Rather than face his parents rage at losing the lunch box, Little Al didn't hesitate to march out onto the ice. And since these are ghost stories you know how it goes - boy crashes through ice, boy get stuck under ice, boy drowns. When they recovered his thin and rigid blue body he had the Transformers lunch box grasped tightly in his hands.
While the parents immediately regretted their treatment of Little Al, they soon were haunted by not only their own guilt but also by a little blue hued ghost who sometimes appeared in their doorway in the middle of blustery winter nights. While they could only make out a silhouette, it was clear from the box in his hand it was the restless soul of Little Al, trying to make amends for almost losing his lunch box. Oh, and from the moaning of "Mommy and daddy, I found my lunchbox and I'm going to bed .. nowwwwww !!!!
One winter when coming home from school, he and his friend Victor took a detour down to the boardwalk to check out the ice geysers that classmates said were forming from breaking waves along the shore. As the boys ventured close to one of the spouts Victor grabbed Little Al's lunch box - a Transformers box (one of these) with Bumblebee, Megan Fox and perhaps other things on it - and tossed it at the spout. Up and over it went, sliding out onto the ice. Rather than face his parents rage at losing the lunch box, Little Al didn't hesitate to march out onto the ice. And since these are ghost stories you know how it goes - boy crashes through ice, boy get stuck under ice, boy drowns. When they recovered his thin and rigid blue body he had the Transformers lunch box grasped tightly in his hands.
While the parents immediately regretted their treatment of Little Al, they soon were haunted by not only their own guilt but also by a little blue hued ghost who sometimes appeared in their doorway in the middle of blustery winter nights. While they could only make out a silhouette, it was clear from the box in his hand it was the restless soul of Little Al, trying to make amends for almost losing his lunch box. Oh, and from the moaning of "Mommy and daddy, I found my lunchbox and I'm going to bed .. nowwwwww !!!!
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Hammersmith Halloween Hag
This one qualifies as an urban legend in the Beaches, passed down for generations. It was Halloween in the eighties and, unlike today, parents actually let their 13 year old kids out of the house on their own, after dark, in the City, on Halloween. Well they did until they heard this story that is.
Brothers Mike and Bradley were having a good trick or treat run, having filled their pillow cases up to the top seams with treats of all sorts. When they returned home they dumped the goodies on the living room floor revealing some strange antique-looking candy like ``Ton-o-gum`` and Popeye cigarettes (not candy sticks, the real old ones with the red ends! not these). Their mom asked where they got it and they said the big house at the end of Hammersmith Ave.. Well, the mom turned white, grabbed the candy and called dad up from the den. When asked what was wrong, dad said that was old Mrs. Parker`s house at the end of Hammersmith ...and it`s been vacant for over 10 years since she died - she could not have given them the candy. But dad didn`t say anything about her ghost!
P.S. - I knew Mrs. Parker and if the story had said Tavener`s hard candy with sugar powder in those small tins I would believe this was true ! That what she always gave me anyway. these bad boys!
Brothers Mike and Bradley were having a good trick or treat run, having filled their pillow cases up to the top seams with treats of all sorts. When they returned home they dumped the goodies on the living room floor revealing some strange antique-looking candy like ``Ton-o-gum`` and Popeye cigarettes (not candy sticks, the real old ones with the red ends! not these). Their mom asked where they got it and they said the big house at the end of Hammersmith Ave.. Well, the mom turned white, grabbed the candy and called dad up from the den. When asked what was wrong, dad said that was old Mrs. Parker`s house at the end of Hammersmith ...and it`s been vacant for over 10 years since she died - she could not have given them the candy. But dad didn`t say anything about her ghost!
P.S. - I knew Mrs. Parker and if the story had said Tavener`s hard candy with sugar powder in those small tins I would believe this was true ! That what she always gave me anyway. these bad boys!
Boardwalk Bones
The boardwalk is a defining feature of the Beaches. Ruggedly built for those strolling or jogging along the waterfront, the boardwalk covers a wide strip of the beach .. and with all that sand below and with the sturdy planks being rarely replaced, its a perfect place to bury a body! And so thought the last contractor in charge of replacing the worn sections.
The City's contract tendering process used to be focused on getting the best price for any repair work, sometimes at the expense of quality (my how times change!). So the firm of S.L.Acker and Sons won the last boardwalk replacement contract with such a low bid that it could only mean one thing - cutting corners on materials, worker training and safety. Unfortunately this time it caught up with Mr. Acker as one of their new workers, Jimmy, was lobotomized with a stray spike from an industrial nailing gun - remember kids, always carry those contraptions with the "kill switch" set to "off".
Rather than pay the hefty fines and compensation to Jimmy's family, S.L.Acker quickly buried Jimmy under the planks he was about to nail. But that wasn't the end of it. A tenacious pug named Frank managed to dig under the side of the boardwalk, proudly retrieving Jimmy's juicy femur bone. The City's swift investigation later the next year found that Jimmy was just the first of many bodies ditched under the beach under similar circumstances. Rather than engage in the lengthy Environmental Assessment clean-up process to sort out whose bones were whose, the City just fenced off the bone riddled area. Soon after, due to departmental miscommunication they say, Parks and Rec turned it into a dog park the next spring.
So when you stroll by the dog park (its just south of Kew Gardens) and hear Rover howling over what he has dug up, you can bet that its more buried bones of some restless soul like Jimmy, ditched there long ago.
The City's contract tendering process used to be focused on getting the best price for any repair work, sometimes at the expense of quality (my how times change!). So the firm of S.L.Acker and Sons won the last boardwalk replacement contract with such a low bid that it could only mean one thing - cutting corners on materials, worker training and safety. Unfortunately this time it caught up with Mr. Acker as one of their new workers, Jimmy, was lobotomized with a stray spike from an industrial nailing gun - remember kids, always carry those contraptions with the "kill switch" set to "off".
Rather than pay the hefty fines and compensation to Jimmy's family, S.L.Acker quickly buried Jimmy under the planks he was about to nail. But that wasn't the end of it. A tenacious pug named Frank managed to dig under the side of the boardwalk, proudly retrieving Jimmy's juicy femur bone. The City's swift investigation later the next year found that Jimmy was just the first of many bodies ditched under the beach under similar circumstances. Rather than engage in the lengthy Environmental Assessment clean-up process to sort out whose bones were whose, the City just fenced off the bone riddled area. Soon after, due to departmental miscommunication they say, Parks and Rec turned it into a dog park the next spring.
So when you stroll by the dog park (its just south of Kew Gardens) and hear Rover howling over what he has dug up, you can bet that its more buried bones of some restless soul like Jimmy, ditched there long ago.
The Goofy Ghost
Located at the corner of Queen Street East and Beech Avenue is a Beaches Landmark - the Garden Gate restaurant - affectionately known as "the Goof". Locals know it got this name when the neon 'd' in the iconic "Good Food" sign burned out and the two words were strung together.
What is not widely known is that the restaurant is said to be haunted! A former waiter, Kevin, had worked at the Goof from the 1970's and up until a recent renovation that saw the restaurant lose its open kitchen format, jute box consoles in the booths and some say a bit of its charm ! He was distraught and snuck in the night before the reno to salvage one of the jute box consoles as a keepsake. But he didn't notice the power was still connected and he was electrocuted cutting the wires. Chicken Chow Eeeeeow !!! Ironically the police said the wet floor that Kevin had mopped floor at the end of his shift made for a great conductor.
While all the jute boxes and the central player system were removed in the reno, staff who work late often say they hear the echos of faint music coming from the front room .. tell tale 60's, 70's and 80's tunes like The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, and Toronto bands like Platinum Blonde, the Spoons .... all played a little warbley and creepily just like that old equipment echoed in the beach far away in time (oh! that reminds me of Martha and the Muffins - another great TO band!). They say its the Goofy ghost trying to get his quarter's worth!
What is not widely known is that the restaurant is said to be haunted! A former waiter, Kevin, had worked at the Goof from the 1970's and up until a recent renovation that saw the restaurant lose its open kitchen format, jute box consoles in the booths and some say a bit of its charm ! He was distraught and snuck in the night before the reno to salvage one of the jute box consoles as a keepsake. But he didn't notice the power was still connected and he was electrocuted cutting the wires. Chicken Chow Eeeeeow !!! Ironically the police said the wet floor that Kevin had mopped floor at the end of his shift made for a great conductor.
While all the jute boxes and the central player system were removed in the reno, staff who work late often say they hear the echos of faint music coming from the front room .. tell tale 60's, 70's and 80's tunes like The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, and Toronto bands like Platinum Blonde, the Spoons .... all played a little warbley and creepily just like that old equipment echoed in the beach far away in time (oh! that reminds me of Martha and the Muffins - another great TO band!). They say its the Goofy ghost trying to get his quarter's worth!
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